After putting myself through college and graduating at the top of my class, I intended to go to law school and become the civil rights attorney I'd always dreamed about. The only problem with that was that my home life was abusive and I was hiding my sexuality. When a family friend mentioned the U.S. Border Patrol was hiring and they offered to send me to California, I jumped at the chance to become a federal agent. I thought it would be an adventure. It was but not quite in the way I'd anticipated. 

At the Border Patrol academy I was introduced to the brutal culture that has existed in the agency since its inception in 1924. I was sexually assaulted by a male agent and ordered to not press charges. I graduated the academy as did my rapist, and we are forever frozen in time in our class picture, a predator and his victim in uniform. I did not understand that this was the Border Patrol rape culture that I and many other women were targeted in. I thought if I could prove myself as an agent, all of those memories would disappear.

Like other agents, I used racist terms for migrants, I enforced our unjust and cruel policies and I violated people's rights on a daily basis. When I resigned in protest because I was ordered to not whistleblow on my drug smuggling boss, I walked away from immigration and my former life because I could, because immigration laws did not affect me as a white woman. 

Years later in 2015, suffering from PTSD from my childhood and from my service as a Senior Patrol Agent, I attempted suicide. This began my journey I am still on today. I forced myself to admit my racism, my privilege and my actions as an agent. Today, I tell the truth about my former agency. I speak about the brutal policies agents enforce, the racism and rape culture embedded deep within it, and I write about my experiences. 

More than anything, I listen. I listen to migrants abused by agents. I listen to other agents abused by agents. I listen to spouses of agents. I listen to families who have lost loved ones to agents. I listen to those who experience first hand the traumatic results of our deterrence policies. 

I listen.

Visiting grandparents of Jose Antonio Elena Rodriguez who was shot and killed by Border Pa
Jose Antonio Elena Rodriguez
Kids are exhausted
Speaking with migrants in Juarez shelter
Session 288th
Protesting against Biden temporary child tents, Tucson, AZ 2021
Tributes to those who lost their lives seeking safety.
Escorting asylum seekers to their CBP hearings
Agent Ortiz and me
Badge and medals
Andrea Guerrero & Rep. Joaquin Castro
Unified Deported Veterans
Las Americas, El Paso, TX
Green Valley Samaritans, Tucson, AZ
Catching zzzz
Juarez shelter
Juarez shelter
Las Americas, El Paso, TX
Leaving water for those in need_
Billion dollar wall outdone by $5 worth of twine_
Even in death they separate migrants from citizens with a wall_
Doctors protesting
Reverend Beth, El Paso, TX
Testimony on Operation Gatekeeper 25th anniversary
Dr. Reverend Barber, Juarez, Mexico
Calexico, CA
Unknown markers for migrants in Holtville, CA
Graduation day 1995
Lost shoe on border road
Wall at Friendship Park in Playas Tijuana
Protesting Trump MPP policies
2019 protest with Dr. Reverend Barber, El Paso, TX
2000 Acting Supervisory Border Patrol Agent
1996 Boulevard, CA
Refugee camp at San Ysidro POE
Campo railroad tunnel to Mexico
Gay Pride San Diego
Water Stations
Water drops